What Is Early Marriage
Early marriages are marriages that happen between people under the age of eighteen. Such marriages are spread all over Palestine. In particular, they occur in Palestinian rural rather than urban areas. These practices take place for several reasons. One very important cause is the religious definition of adulthood which is more related to physical and biological aspects rather than psychological and behavioral. Another essential purpose for this practice is the lack of adequate education. Moreover, sometimes it is caused by the negative social point of view that links between fertility and age for women. However, governments, nowadays, are working to decrease the practice of early marriage as it deprives girls from their major rights and causes many health consequences for them. One effect of the early marriage is that it takes away many of the girls’ major rights. Firstly, it deprives them from the right to continue their education. As an illustration, the majority of girls, especially those who live in rural areas, are forced to get married instead of persisting their education. Furthermore, this deprivation results in lack of knowledge on how to raise the children well. Secondly, being forced to marry at an early age does not allow the girls to choose their lifelong partner. Thus, it makes her more of a follower instead of taking her decisions by herself. Finally, girls who marry at a young age are often isolated from their society and friends. This means, most of the young wives do not have the right to communicate freely with their family and friends since the responsibilities does not allow them to do so. On my point of view, forcing young women to marry before they reach eighteen years old is a violation against basic human rights. Another possible effect of the early marriage is that it leads to some bad health consequences on the woman herself and on her children too. For example, young brides are expected to become pregnant at an early age and there...
What Causes Child Marriage?
One
of our key priorities is to learn what causes child marriage. As we
learn what leads people to marry their daughters (and sons) as children,
we can address those causes to stop child marriage. Digging up the
roots of child marriage helps us replant the future for millions of
girls around the world. Take a look at the stories below to see what we
know about causes of child marriage and the factors that make it such a
difficult social problem
But the fact that parents can recite the negative consequences hasn’t stopped child marriage. In Nepal, 41% of girls still get married below the age of 18. Knowing that something is harmful is not enough to stop it. One reason is that as a girl gets older, her dowry gets more expensive. Parents are afraid they won’t be able to pay later, and that their daughter won’t get married at all—which will leave her socially ostracized and with no support. But the decision about dowry doesn’t rest with girls or their parents. The groom’s family decides what dowry should be. As a father-in-law, Bahadur has the power to make a change, and he’s decided to do it.
It’s a brave step. In Kapilbastu, Nepal, most families give their future son-in-law a bicycle or a motorcycle, and Bahadur came to our community meeting on the bike that was his wife’s dowry for her wedding. The social pressure for dowry there is so strong that young men who are determined to marry a poorer girl will buy themselves a new motorcycle and say it was a dowry payment, just to avoid censure and protect their wife’s reputation.
Bahadur isn’t afraid. He is part of a men’s support group with CARE and the Dalit Social Development Center—a Nepali organization—that helps men who want to support gender equality and women’s rights. The men work together to support each other in difficult decisions, and to convince their peers that gender equality is better for everyone. “We want to be better people; better husbands and fathers. So we have to change ourselves.
.
Rani is 17 years old, beautiful, confident, and committed to change.
In her village in Bangladesh, most girls get married between 12 and 14,
and don’t go to school past the fifth grade. Not Rani. She is going to
the high school...but her sister-in-law has a different story.
Rani goes to school, even though for six months a year she has to ride a boat 3 kilometers to get to school, since the whole area is flooded. She plans to go to college. And in her spare time, she goes to the Dholkutub Girls’ Center—which CARE runs to give girls a space to learn, grow, and build networks—and helps other girls with their schoolwork. She also works to run groups for girls who have dropped out of school so they can learn to read and write.
Shruti is one of the girls Rani tutors. She proudly took my pen and wrote her name in my notebook when I asked. At the age of 16, married, and with a one year old baby, she comes to the center so she can learn to write her own name, and for conversations with girls and women on all kinds of issues. Shruti is also Rani’s sister in law. Rani’s parents know that child marriage, early pregnancy, and stopping her education will limit her life forever, and have decided not to get her married yet. But they still married their son to a 14 year old, and expect her to stay at home, have grandchildren, and keep house.
We met Rani and Shruti on a recent trip to Nepal and Bangladesh, doing startup activities for a child marriage prevention project called Tipping Point, which focuses on understanding the root causes of child marriage and on developing societal responses to sustainably end the problem. While I was there, amazing groups of dedicated women explained to me that they knew their rights, wanted education for their daughters, and wanted them to get married later. I asked women why they wanted a daughter-in-law who was young, and wouldn’t send her back to school. Their answer: to have a daughter in law who takes care of the household and does the chores. It makes sense; to keep a household running in these communities is crippling work, each task magnified by difficult conditions, poor infrastructure, and few resources. For these women, simply getting water—a task I accomplish by turning on the faucet for 30 seconds—can take hours of hard labor. The burden falls almost entirely on women, so wanting help is no surprise.
When we visited a women’s group in Nepal, we saw almost exactly the same circumstances. Mothers told us they want their daughter to get an education and wait for marriage, but they want their daughter in law to be young, have children right away, and stay at home to take care of the house. I've heard from staff in several countries--from Benin, to Ethiopia, to West Bank Gaza--tell us that mother in laws have a huge role in determining not just how old the bride is, but also how many children a family has, and whether or not they use family planning.
It’s a fascinating contradiction, wanting one thing for your own daughter, and something entirely different for someone else’s—even though your daughter in law moves into your home and raises your grandchildren. It’s also a major cause of child marriage. Because most mothers are also mothers-in-law—and the groom’s family often sets the terms for marriage. Focusing on women as mothers, and talking about their aspirations for their own daughters misses an entire dimension of the problem.
As long as we address parents purely on terms of what they want for their own children, and not on the bigger picture of the whole community, we’re not going to move the needle on child marriage. If the demand for brides is for young uneducated women to take care of the house, parents will still feel pressured to marry their daughters early, even if they know it will have negative consequences for girls and families.
It’s an exciting new avenue in the way we’re thinking about child marriage and how to prevent it. Much of the work so far has been with keeping girls in school, building adolescents’ skills, and working with parents to either explain consequences or convince them not to marry their daughters. But working with Rani’s mother is also working with Shruti’s mother-in-law, and widening our vision gives us new options for making sure Shruti and her children have a chance to have the same opportunities that Rani does—opportunities that every girl deserves
Recently, Bahadur Giri made two unusual decisions. First, he talked to his son about what he wanted for his marriage, rather than making the decision on his own. Second, he did not ask for or accept dowry for his son’s marriage.
“My son and I talked about it, and we decided that we did not need anything from my daughter-in-law’s family. The newly married couple will be able to have a life without it, and dowry leads to many bad consequences.”
Most of the people I talked to on a recent trip to Bangladesh and Nepal can recite the negative consequences of child marriage are: girls married too young are more likely to die in child birth, they drop out of school, they are more likely to face violence, and their children have fewer lifetime opportunities for success. People also talk about how dowry is harming their communities. Paying dowry means that families marry their girls younger (it is believed that younger girls pay a lower dowry). Girls whose parents don’t pay dowry face abuse from husband and from in-laws, or may be rejected entirely, which ruins any future chance of getting re-married.
Rani goes to school, even though for six months a year she has to ride a boat 3 kilometers to get to school, since the whole area is flooded. She plans to go to college. And in her spare time, she goes to the Dholkutub Girls’ Center—which CARE runs to give girls a space to learn, grow, and build networks—and helps other girls with their schoolwork. She also works to run groups for girls who have dropped out of school so they can learn to read and write.
Mother-in-Laws Matter
Shruti is one of the girls Rani tutors. She proudly took my pen and wrote her name in my notebook when I asked. At the age of 16, married, and with a one year old baby, she comes to the center so she can learn to write her own name, and for conversations with girls and women on all kinds of issues. Shruti is also Rani’s sister in law. Rani’s parents know that child marriage, early pregnancy, and stopping her education will limit her life forever, and have decided not to get her married yet. But they still married their son to a 14 year old, and expect her to stay at home, have grandchildren, and keep house.
We met Rani and Shruti on a recent trip to Nepal and Bangladesh, doing startup activities for a child marriage prevention project called Tipping Point, which focuses on understanding the root causes of child marriage and on developing societal responses to sustainably end the problem. While I was there, amazing groups of dedicated women explained to me that they knew their rights, wanted education for their daughters, and wanted them to get married later. I asked women why they wanted a daughter-in-law who was young, and wouldn’t send her back to school. Their answer: to have a daughter in law who takes care of the household and does the chores. It makes sense; to keep a household running in these communities is crippling work, each task magnified by difficult conditions, poor infrastructure, and few resources. For these women, simply getting water—a task I accomplish by turning on the faucet for 30 seconds—can take hours of hard labor. The burden falls almost entirely on women, so wanting help is no surprise.
When we visited a women’s group in Nepal, we saw almost exactly the same circumstances. Mothers told us they want their daughter to get an education and wait for marriage, but they want their daughter in law to be young, have children right away, and stay at home to take care of the house. I've heard from staff in several countries--from Benin, to Ethiopia, to West Bank Gaza--tell us that mother in laws have a huge role in determining not just how old the bride is, but also how many children a family has, and whether or not they use family planning.
It’s a fascinating contradiction, wanting one thing for your own daughter, and something entirely different for someone else’s—even though your daughter in law moves into your home and raises your grandchildren. It’s also a major cause of child marriage. Because most mothers are also mothers-in-law—and the groom’s family often sets the terms for marriage. Focusing on women as mothers, and talking about their aspirations for their own daughters misses an entire dimension of the problem.
As long as we address parents purely on terms of what they want for their own children, and not on the bigger picture of the whole community, we’re not going to move the needle on child marriage. If the demand for brides is for young uneducated women to take care of the house, parents will still feel pressured to marry their daughters early, even if they know it will have negative consequences for girls and families.
It’s an exciting new avenue in the way we’re thinking about child marriage and how to prevent it. Much of the work so far has been with keeping girls in school, building adolescents’ skills, and working with parents to either explain consequences or convince them not to marry their daughters. But working with Rani’s mother is also working with Shruti’s mother-in-law, and widening our vision gives us new options for making sure Shruti and her children have a chance to have the same opportunities that Rani does—opportunities that every girl deserves
Recently, Bahadur Giri made two unusual decisions. First, he talked to his son about what he wanted for his marriage, rather than making the decision on his own. Second, he did not ask for or accept dowry for his son’s marriage.
“My son and I talked about it, and we decided that we did not need anything from my daughter-in-law’s family. The newly married couple will be able to have a life without it, and dowry leads to many bad consequences.”
Most of the people I talked to on a recent trip to Bangladesh and Nepal can recite the negative consequences of child marriage are: girls married too young are more likely to die in child birth, they drop out of school, they are more likely to face violence, and their children have fewer lifetime opportunities for success. People also talk about how dowry is harming their communities. Paying dowry means that families marry their girls younger (it is believed that younger girls pay a lower dowry). Girls whose parents don’t pay dowry face abuse from husband and from in-laws, or may be rejected entirely, which ruins any future chance of getting re-married.
Men Make Decisions Alone
But the fact that parents can recite the negative consequences hasn’t stopped child marriage. In Nepal, 41% of girls still get married below the age of 18. Knowing that something is harmful is not enough to stop it. One reason is that as a girl gets older, her dowry gets more expensive. Parents are afraid they won’t be able to pay later, and that their daughter won’t get married at all—which will leave her socially ostracized and with no support. But the decision about dowry doesn’t rest with girls or their parents. The groom’s family decides what dowry should be. As a father-in-law, Bahadur has the power to make a change, and he’s decided to do it.
It’s a brave step. In Kapilbastu, Nepal, most families give their future son-in-law a bicycle or a motorcycle, and Bahadur came to our community meeting on the bike that was his wife’s dowry for her wedding. The social pressure for dowry there is so strong that young men who are determined to marry a poorer girl will buy themselves a new motorcycle and say it was a dowry payment, just to avoid censure and protect their wife’s reputation.
Bahadur isn’t afraid. He is part of a men’s support group with CARE and the Dalit Social Development Center—a Nepali organization—that helps men who want to support gender equality and women’s rights. The men work together to support each other in difficult decisions, and to convince their peers that gender equality is better for everyone. “We want to be better people; better husbands and fathers. So we have to change ourselves.
.
Girls Don't Have Alternatives
When Aaliyah first got married, she got in trouble because her new
family had to buy her a stepstool. Without it, she was too short to
reach the stove or sink to take care of her duties in the kitchen. She
was 14, and her husband was 26. But Aaliyah’s[1]
family was very poor and her parents were illiterate. She doesn’t know
how to read or write, and did not have any marketable skills. There
didn’t seem to be any other options for her. This is true for many
women in Egypt, where only 24% of women have paying jobs.[2]
The expectation in rural areas is that women will marry, have children,
and take care of the household. There are not many other paths open to
women with no education.
In a recent CARE meeting to raise awareness about child marriage in the Menya Governorate of Egypt, Aaliyah decided to tell her story. “My mother in law was very rough with me, she kept insulting me all the time. My husband started beating me for every mistake. The family kept me doing all household chores and serving the whole family, so I miscarried my first and second pregnancies. I never had the chance to get and ante-natal health care.”
Aaliyah is not just worried about what has happened to her, but also about the impacts on her children. She is afraid that her lack of alternatives will pass to the next generation. Aaliyah says, “Now I am only 26 years old with three children, but I feel guilty as I could not raise them the way I should. I did not know about breastfeeding or child nutrition, so my kids are very weak like me. I did not know to get my first child a birth certificate, so he could not join school and lost his chance to get vaccinations. I insisted on getting birth certificates for the other 2 kids. But my oldest child will have a poor family because he is not educated.”
Aliyah found the strength to change her life, and go find other options. She got a job, and is working to join literacy classes so she can learn to read and write. “I decided to change my lifestyle, so I joined the factory to work and earn some money to raise my kids in a better way. For the first time, I feel like a human being and could face my own problems and tell my story to others; mainly to mothers to advise them not to marry their girls early. I want women to allow their daughters to continue their studies in order to be able to face the difficulties of marriage, man demand and children needs. I do not want other girls to suffer from all the problems I had faced.”
Having new choices makes all the difference to Aaliyah. With her new job and skills, she not only has the resources to make changes for her own children, but also the confidence to speak up. She wants to tell her story so that the next generation of girls can have options besides a stressful marriage where both girls and their children suffer. We need to work with girls, families, and communities to make sure that there are alternatives
In a recent CARE meeting to raise awareness about child marriage in the Menya Governorate of Egypt, Aaliyah decided to tell her story. “My mother in law was very rough with me, she kept insulting me all the time. My husband started beating me for every mistake. The family kept me doing all household chores and serving the whole family, so I miscarried my first and second pregnancies. I never had the chance to get and ante-natal health care.”
Aaliyah is not just worried about what has happened to her, but also about the impacts on her children. She is afraid that her lack of alternatives will pass to the next generation. Aaliyah says, “Now I am only 26 years old with three children, but I feel guilty as I could not raise them the way I should. I did not know about breastfeeding or child nutrition, so my kids are very weak like me. I did not know to get my first child a birth certificate, so he could not join school and lost his chance to get vaccinations. I insisted on getting birth certificates for the other 2 kids. But my oldest child will have a poor family because he is not educated.”
Aliyah found the strength to change her life, and go find other options. She got a job, and is working to join literacy classes so she can learn to read and write. “I decided to change my lifestyle, so I joined the factory to work and earn some money to raise my kids in a better way. For the first time, I feel like a human being and could face my own problems and tell my story to others; mainly to mothers to advise them not to marry their girls early. I want women to allow their daughters to continue their studies in order to be able to face the difficulties of marriage, man demand and children needs. I do not want other girls to suffer from all the problems I had faced.”
Having new choices makes all the difference to Aaliyah. With her new job and skills, she not only has the resources to make changes for her own children, but also the confidence to speak up. She wants to tell her story so that the next generation of girls can have options besides a stressful marriage where both girls and their children suffer. We need to work with girls, families, and communities to make sure that there are alternatives
Peer Pressure Works
Despite the rocky beginning to her own marriage when she
was 12, Endayehu seriously considered getting her own daughters married as
children to “maintain a good image” for her family. Find out why, and
what changed her mind.
When Endayehu was 12, in the 6th grade, her wealthy father decided
that he needed a young man’s labor to support the work on his own farm.
The easiest way for him to get that was to marry off his daughter and have her
husband do the work. From that moment, Endayehu’s life changed completely.
She had never met her new husband, and she remembers that when she was taken to
start living with him she refused and repeatedly escaped to her parent’s house.
She was so distressed that she even attempted to commit suicide a couple of
times. Fortunately, she didn’t succeed. After she gave birth to her first
born, things settled down for her, and she has lived with her husband ever
since.
Now Endayehu is a mother of five, with four daughters and one son. Despite the
rocky beginning to her own marriage, Endayehu seriously considered getting her
own daughters married as children, to keep the established tradition. She
wanted to “maintain a good image” for her family. This happens all over
the world for millions of families. In fact, if current rates hold, 140 million
girls will get married under 18 between 2011 and 2020, almost all of them in
families where their mothers also married as children.[1] When you talk
to women who are considering marrying their daughters as children, most of them
can tell you their own horror stories of getting married as children—the fear
and confusion, the shock of losing their childhoods overnight. But they
still agree to get their own daughters married young, often because that is
simply how a respectable family behaves.
Money Talks
Dowry is a baffling concept for your average American. How could you sell your child for any price, but especially for a buffalo and a bicycle? But until we understand dowry, we’re never going to be able to engage with communities that value it as a critical part of their marriage systems. It’s a complicated issue, with a lot of facets.
One problem is definition. In South Asia, dowry is what the bride’s parents pay to the groom and his family to cover the cost of caring for her. For these families, it’s not selling a child; it is ensuring her care for the future (at least in theory). A second problem is in the scope of dowry. Regardless of the definition, dowry is a transaction that has huge financial repercussions for a family.
So what is cash, a buffalo, and a bicycle worth? It doesn’t sound like much from the US—about $450[1] worth in total, the cost of an iPad. It’s nice to have, but not worth risking a child’s future. Even if you were spending it responsibly, $450 doesn’t cover much—an average weeks’ worth of rent in Washington DC, where I live. But I did a little digging about what you can get for cash, a buffalo, and a bicycle in the Terai region of Nepal where we work, and I’m still a little dazed by the results.
For one thing, $450 translates to FOUR YEARS of the average income for that area.[2] Four years of income is a substantial investment for anyone to think about. And it’s not just the monetary value that matters. A bicycle is transportation to be able to work, to go to the market, to get around the community—the equivalent of a car here. A buffalo helps on the farm—the primary source of income for most families. According to Heifer International, one water buffalo allows a farmer to plant 4 times as many crops, as well as providing fertilizer and nutritious food for the family.[3]
Suddenly, what to me seems like an amount of money that would buy a consumer luxury or pay for a week of housing is 4 years of income, quadrupling my annual salary, better food, and a car. Doing the math for DC, that would be about $176,000 for the initial infusion, and over half a million dollars in increased income for your average resident over 3 years—the length of time before a buffalo can breed. Nearly $800,000 worth of dowry doesn’t make child marriage acceptable, but it is enough money to make anyone pay attention.
Not only is $450 a huge amount of money in Nepal, but for every year they wait to marry their daughter, a family expects see that number rise. Parents usually say that a girl’s dowry gets higher as the girl gets older and more educated, for a variety of reasons. Prospective in-laws worry about whether she is still a virgin, how biddable she will be in her new home, and why she isn’t married already. Parents who don’t get their daughter married when they can afford it risk never being able to get her married at all. And for a girl in rural Nepal, marriage is the only option for a socially acceptable and secure future.
